my FML moment

So, early early this morning, I was talking to my best gay friend, Michael. He told me that he had just found out that he was pregnant and going to have a baby. At first, I didn't believe him, but being the gullible and naive person I am, I decided to believe him. I had it all planned out in my head, I was going to be there for him whenever he needed me, whatever. I thought I was being such a good friend. I was pretty worried and everything. Then, I called him today, and it turns out he was joking and making everything up. I had believed every single word he said. He really made it seem like he was going to have a baby. He told me that his doctor told him he was pregnant and he didn't know how he was going to tell people. I believed every word he said. I really thought he was going to have a baby. I don't know what I was thinking. I guess it was 3 in the morning and it had been a long day and I just wasn't thinking. I'm not altogether too sure what was going on in my mind. I was so mad at myself when I found out he was just lying to me. I felt so dumb and stupid. How could I believe something like that? A guy getting pregnant!? The more I think about it the more I think how he probably thinks I'm some stupid ditz...ughhhhhh....I feel like a dumb blonde. I mean, I guess the reason I'm so gullible is my kind and naive nature. I refuse to believe that when my best friends tell me things that they're lying or joking with me. I can't believe I actually believed that. I mean, props to him for convincing me. Ugh, I really need to work on that...hmmm...I'm too trusting and I'm easily swayed and influenced. If I keep up with this kind of stuff I'm just setting myself up for a world of hurt..:/

Music explains me

Honestly, if people went and listened and looked through all the songs on my myspace or playlist.com or even pandora.com they'd probably have a better understanding of me and my complicated twisted ways. Lots of songs perfectly explain how I feel and what I'm going through. Music is my escape. I listen to it whenever I need to feel better and it helps me no matter what I'm going through. Music has always been there for me. Its the only constant thing that I can trust to always be there, which is really sad when you think about it. I feel close to the musicians like we're best friends or lovers and they're speaking to me directly. I feel like they wrote that song just for me, even though thats more than likely not true, I still feel that way sometimes. Like during my recent break up I heard a lot of songs about breaking up or moving on and I found most of them to be incredibly helpful. I have actually moved on so well. Better than I ever thought I could. I'll admit I still feel a little attatched to my ex, not like I still love him or anything like that, but I just feel attatched to him still. He has moved on a lot more than I have though. He's got a new girlfriend who's so in love with, it actually makes me want to puke, but I deal with it, because he's not my problem anymore. Plus, I think there might be a really good relationship in my near future. I still haven't given up hope. lol. But music has helped me through it. When I felt awful and wanted someone to agree with me, music was there. When I needed a happy song, music was there. Music has always been there. And I'm sure its been there for a lot of people. But its had a great impact on my life. I almost always feel nostalgic when I listen to music. I love music :))

Good Day Sunshine :D

So, I look like really good today :)) I'm not sure what it is, but I just look really good and I feel really good about myself. I mean, not to say that I have a horrible view of myself or whatever, but today I just feel extra pretty and extra good. Its a nice feeling. I just hope that nothing happens to destroy my good happy high. lol. Man, I'm like interested in techno lately. I am not sure what the fascination is, but I guess its just generally happy music and I'm sick of all the sad screamo-y music I'm usually listening to. Plus, its different and I don't normally listen to it. I think its part of my good mood. lol. I think its just given me a newfound love for myself because the lyrics to most of these songs are about how cool you are and are just generally happy. No wonder I feel good :)) Like right now I'm listening to this song called "Fresh Won't Define" by Represent! and its about a specific person and how cool they are and how fresh just won't define their awesomeness and all that and its really self-confidence building. I mean a month ago I was not the poster child for self-confidence and self-esteem with my break up and all that, but I actually feel really good right now. It's indescribable :)) I just hope that more of this comes along and I start feeling happier and happier to where I am just naturally happy. I want that feeling again. I miss it. I mean, when I was with my ex, I was so happy. I thought everything was going great for me and I lost a lot of weight (before and after the relationship lol) and things were just great. I want that feeling again. But, I don't want that feeling to come from being with a guy. I mean, part of it can, but I just want to be that happy because things are actually going great everywhere. Not just relationship-wise. I want that happiness. That real happiness. The happiness that comes from inside and comes from me knowing who I am and that I am great and that even if something does go wrong, everything will be okay. Hmmm..more on this later..

Feet Art!

This is what Maia does when she's bored :D

So, two nights ago I got really really bored. It was like midnight, I was feeling creative, I couldn't use the computer, so what could I do that would get rid of my boredom and let me channel all my creative energy into something cool? Well, I had a black sharpie in my pocket and the idea came to me. I went into my room and decided to write on my foot. And I wanted to write something that would make people think differently about me (if they hadn't already) but it had to be something true. So I wrote "I am not ordinary! I am weird, so deal with it!" and then I wrote my name and drew all sorts of little symbols and smiley faces. And then I got another idea: why don't I just draw all over my feet! So I drew more and more on my feet. And it cured my boredom and all that. Plus its funny to see how people react to like the pictures and all that. lol. Some people are pretty grossed out, others think its pretty cool. The shaprie is still on my feet and I kind of want to go out in public and see if anyone notices. haha. I kind of want people to copy me and take pictures of their feet with weird drawings on them. I want to start some kind of crazy epic trend! Feet Art! lol. Well, thats one idea of mine for taking over society. Whats yours? lol